This week in class we talked about divorce and step families. This topic is a little more difficult for me to write about because I don't have much experience, and every situation is different. We learned a lot about the effects that these two things have on children and parents, but I feel like the greatest lesson that I learned this week was the importance of not judging others!

In situations of divorce, and remarriage, this transition can be very difficult for the family. I feel like many times, it is so easy for someone on the outside to sit back and make assumptions. It's easy to blame a certain individual, and it can sometimes cause a bad taste in their mouth. BUT, it's so important to remember that we really don't know everything. We don't always know what happened, and we have no idea of the emotions that are being dealt with. It is so important for us as friends, family, and neighbors to be there for support.

In situations of divorce, it can be difficult to adjust to the new life. The parents have to learn how to live without their significant other, they have to learn how to make things fair and equal with their ex, and it's difficult when it comes to the children and how much time they get to spend with each of their parents. Child support can be an issue. Trying to date again and open your heart may be very difficult for many and take a lot of time to overcome. Many people may have a hard time getting dates when others find out they are divorced with kids. Then, once re-marriage happens, it can be difficult for the new spouse to adjust to all of a sudden having a few step-children. It's difficult for the children when they have a new "parent" in their lives. It's important to be careful of how parenting is handled as a new step-parent. Children may have a difficult time getting close to their new step-parent in fears of betraying their birth parent or not accepting them as a parent. etc.

 There are many different contributors to why divorce and step families may be so difficult. But really, the point I am trying to make is that this is a difficult time for everyone involved. The least that we can do is lend a hand of support and be there for whenever they may need us. We must stay away from judging.

Here is a really great song about a step-father. It's really touching and shows how important it is to have both roles (father and mother) in the home. This video shows the blessings that can come from re-marriage, if we just let it.

The Greatest Joy

   For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a mom. When I was a little girl, I would spend my time playing with dolls and "mothering" them. I remember using my little girl charm and convincing my brother to play with me... this consisted of him being the baby, and I got to be his bossy mom. Don't ask me how I was able to make that one happen! ;) haha I remember growing up and always being asked what I wanted to be when I was older. My thoughts would always instantly turn to being a mom, having a career as my backup plan. Motherhood has always been a dream of mine, and it's become more real as I get closer to that stage of my life. Although I've always wanted this, I think I had a false idea of what it was like. I just pictured myself having these ADORABLE babies that were perfect in every way, but the older I grow, and the closer I get to my own mom, I realize how difficult parenting really is. I believe that it takes someone extra special to be a good mother... and father!!

   Good parenting is SO important! First off, you're raising a child of your own. You are teaching them everything that they know! These children come to the earth with no knowledge, and it's up to you and your spouse to provide them with good knowledge, morals, beliefs, and character. I know for me, I would much rather have my children learn from me and my husband, rather than from kids at school or random people we interact with. We have the privilege to mold our children into someone even better than we are ourselves, but learning from our weaknesses and teaching them better. Our parenting impacts society. The children that we raise will be going out into the world, and it's up to us to help them become the good citizens that they should be. Many people will be influenced and impacted by our children's decisions and actions... like a chain reaction! How do we want our children to leave their marks of society? Also, not only does our parenting impact our children and society, but it also has a HUGE effect on ourselves as parents. Now, I don't have any children yet, but I hear it is the greatest joy! I look forward to the growth that I will personally have when I have my own children: a love that I have never felt before, trials that I have never faced, and skills that I have never had to practice before. It'll be tough, but so enjoyable!

There are three main types of parents:

Authoritarian/ Autocratic: These parents are over-controlling, use harsh words, make themselves higher than their children, and use strict punishment. This style of parenting creates a power struggle which increases stress between parents and the kids, which can lead to an increase in rebellion.

Permissive: These parents allow freedom without limits. They have more of a "do what you want" attitude. There are very little enforced rules and active involvement in their children's lives.

*Authoritative/ Active: These parents allow freedom within limits. There are expanding limits as more trust is built... parents back off more as children mature. This relationship is focused on responsibility, respect, and courage. Parents watch their tones and words, and focus on talking to their children like adults, until trust is broken. Then, they strive to calmly sit down together and make plans TOGETHER about the best ways to deal with problems at hand. Consequences, relating to the main problem, are then enforced if children continue to disobey.
This is the best, and most effective ways to raise your own children.

   I believe that in order to be successful, you must make plans in advance on what you want to do to be better. It takes lots of practice. I know that parenting is tough, but I think it's important not to get discouraged. It takes time to become the parent that we want to be, but baby steps in the right direction will still make all the difference.

   One last thing is that I believe we need to keep the "golden rule" mentality. We need to make sure we are talking to and treating our children the way that we would like to be treated... with respect! They are still people and have feelings of their own (even more than I feel we do), so we need to be sensitive to that.

   I am SO EXCITED for when I get to be a mom! I can't wait to be able to start a little family of my own, and teach them what I have learned over the years. I just hope that I can become even half of what my parents were/are to me. What an exciting job!