This week has been a really hard, but also a really good week. It's been difficult because some of my own individual trials and struggles have come up and I've had to work hard to overcome them. It's been really good though because I have learned a lot about myself this week: how I deal with hardships, who I can trust and confide in, and also what I want to change in the future to be the person I am working to become. This week has also been really great because, while in the midst of my struggles, I've been able to talk to some of my really close friends and family and learn more about them and the battles they are fighting. My eyes have been opened even more to the concept that "everyone has a story." I was recently talking to someone very close to me. Looking at them, I assumed that they had a perfect life and never went through anything hard. I got jealous of them and wondered why my life couldn't be the same. And honestly, I kind of judged them for having such a "perfect" life. After sitting down and having a long heart-to-heart, I learned that I was completely wrong. They had gone through some super difficult things that made them who they are today. I felt TERRIBLE for just assuming things without ever taking time to sincerely get to know them. After our talk, I gained so much respect for them because of the battles they have conquered and because they were willing to share their story with me.
Looking back on this week, I am so grateful for all that I have learned.
Not only do we all have our own personal trials, but we as families go through hard times as well. Sometimes they arise because of the poor choices of others (or ourselves): addictions, infidelity, changes in beliefs, divorce, abuse, crimes, etc. And sometimes our family struggles come due to things that we have no control over: health problems, mental disorders, miscarriages, death of loved ones, losing a job, etc.
No matter what it is, it isn't easy, or even ideal to be dealing with. These can all be referred to as "FAMILY CRISIS."
I don't know about you, but I believe that it's so much easier to talk about how to cope with crisis, rather than to actually do it. It's so easy for me to get caught up in the moment of my discouragements that I forget about the techniques/tools we are all given to make them a little more bearable. For those of you struggling, LISTEN UP because I'm going to share a few coping patterns that definitely make a difference!
1. Take Responsibility: Don't deny or avoid the problem at hand, don't blame others, and do not play the victim game. If we live our lives blaming others or remain hurt and in pain because we were "the victim," it makes it so much harder to move forward, not looking back. We must take responsibility for our actions, and even the actions of others. Confrontation may be necessary in order to help the problem at hand.
2. Affirm Your Own and Your Family's Worth: Hardships have the tendency to destroy your self-esteem. Don't let that happen! I believe that in order to be successful, it first starts with believing it. If we don't believe we're good enough or can't conquer our trials, what is the likelihood of us actually doing that?? BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! And remember that everyone has their own battles; just because you have one you're fighting now, that doesn't make you any less important than someone else.
3. Balance Self-Concern with Other-Concern: It's so easy to focus so much on ourselves in trials that we forget about helping others. I know for me, the greatest way to forget myself and experience true joy is through service to others. BUT, we also must remember, we can't be TOO focused on other people that we forget about our own needs. There is a fine balance between the two but they both play such an important role in coping.
4. Learn the Art of Reframing: Change your perspective on a situation. The way we deal with things and the difficulty of our trials is all about our attitude! I was just talking to one of my friends the other day (different friend than earlier) and they were telling me about how they struggle with depression. They were telling me that it is really tough on them and a daily battle. It was neat though to see their perspective on the challenge. Instead of sitting and complaining about how much they wanted it to go away, they told me that they were actually grateful for this trial. WHAT?! They said that because of it, they have been able to help out others with the same problem and understand what they are going through. My friend has looked at the trial as a building and strengthening experience, rather than the opposite.
5. Find and Use Available Resources: There are numberless resources in the community. There are help groups, churches, therapists, doctors, tons of challenge specific programs, friends, family, books, etc. We must be proactive and find help. We can't expect our trials to just disappear if we aren't willing to do anything about them. I know for me, one of the greatest ways to cope is talking to someone who cares and won't judge. My poor mom gets an earful every time a new challenge comes up in my life. But, I am SO very grateful for her and her patience, her willingness to be there no matter the circumstances. Now I know that not everyone may have close family or friends that they feel comfortable talking to... so that leads me into my last and favorite way of coping!
6. God: God loves each of His children (us) so dearly that He sent His perfect Son Jesus Christ to suffer for us. He felt EVERYTHING. He felt our pains, our sorrows, sicknesses, discouragements, sins, regrets, struggles. Because of this, He is the only one that truly knows how we feel and how to help us. We must trust in Him and pray that He will give us strength to bear our trials, and I know He will. Christ is just waiting there to help us, BUT it's up to us to take the first step. This week I've had to rely on the Savior a lot, and it's amazing the amount of love and peace I've been able to feel. This is real and available to ALL who trust Him.
What's interesting to remember is that often times in our lives, trials come when we are doing things right. I believe this is because we are here on earth to grow and become better. Trials make us stretch and sometimes push us to the limit, but we always come out a stronger person in the end.
I'm interested to hear about your own individuals coping strategies and what works best for you or your family. Comment your ideas below!
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| This is one of my absolute FAVORITE quotes by Joseph B. Wirthlin! |
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