Sacrifice brings Blessings

“Afflictions are the process by which God cultivates growth… Since marriage is God’s finishing school, we should expect more afflictions or challenges in marriage than in any other arena of life.” –H. Wallace Goddard

 Marriage is the greatest blessing, but also brings some of the greatest tests. In order for a marriage to be a joyful one, we must learn to nurture it. I haven’t been married for very long, but in the 5 months that I have been married I’ve learned that it doesn’t work if you put yourself first. There is no way to focus on our spouse if we are so worried about ourselves. It’s an adjustment because before marriage we spend all our time worrying about ourselves… or at least it seems like it. Where should I go to school? Where should I work? How do I look? Who should I marry? How do I feel about that? All of our decisions are based on what we want and what we think is best. Marriage is a whole different story. In marriage it changes from ME to WE… and it’s wonderful! But we must choose for it to be that way.

Goddard said, “A godly approach to marriage will entail inconvenience and sacrifice.” Any time we put someone before ourselves is a sacrifice, but blessings come from sacrifice. I think a great and powerful “sacrifice” is to admire your spouse. Pay attention to the small… and big things that your spouse selflessly does and what it is that you truly love about them (maybe even what made you fall in love in the first place). Make a conscious effort to recognize your spouse’s strengths, and look past weaknesses. It’s important to remember that we all have weaknesses.

Another great and important sacrifice is to put your spouse first. Let your spouse know that they are important to you. Let them feel that they are loved. My husband and I both work full-time and do school full-time. Sometimes it’s easy for these things to get in the way of each other. We’ve noticed this and the effect it has on our relationship and have made a goal to make sure we go on a date once a week. This is a time that we can put everything else behind us and just focus on each other. We look forward to our weekly dates and are able to reconnect after a long, hard week. It's my favorite!  I encourage all to take time every week to date your spouse. It makes all the difference and is such a blessing! Let your spouse know that they are the most important thing to you!

Power in Friendship

This week we have started reading “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John M. Gottman. In it he describes the importance of friendship in marriage. He believes that strong marriages consist of strong friendships. I would have to say that I agree. If a marriage is built on friendship, there’s a special bond already established. The couple knows how to have fun, they can enjoy each other’s company, but most importantly they know each other. They have taken time to know each other’s strengths, weaknesses, fears, dreams, goals, hobbies, likes, dislikes, pasts, trials, etc. With a foundation like that, how can couples fail? I believe that to truly know someone, and to have a strong friendship, you must forget yourself. If we spend so much of our time worried about ourselves and our own problems, we don’t have time to focus on the needs of our loved ones. That is something that I’ve been trying to work on lately. I feel that sometimes I get so caught up in things that I’m dealing with that it’s easy to have too much attention on myself. I’ve noticed that the times that I completely forget myself my marriage feels stronger and I am much happier. I believe that a foundation of friendship makes it easier to resolve problems as well. When conflict comes, those with strong friendships know how to best help each other and wouldn’t want to hurt each other in the first place. Let us all do what we can to become true friends with our spouses.

Marriage is Meant to Last

This week I read a talk by Bruce C. Hafen called “Covenant Marriage”. It was really powerful and shows how important marriage really is. In this talk he discusses the differences between contractual marriages to covenant marriages. He says:

“When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent, covenant companions each give 100 percent.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself! I love this quote!

After reading and pondering this talk, I’ve thought of a few things that I want to do to ensure that I have a covenant marriage rather than a contractual marriage.

-Focus on putting the Lord first. I want to strive to put Him first in my life, in my marriage, and in my family. When the Lord is put first, EVERYTHING else falls into place. He not only blesses us, but He gives us strength to overcome trials and hardships and the ability to become better.

-Increase in my spirituality with my husband through daily prayer and scripture study together. If we have the Spirit in our lives we will have to power to fight off any temptation.

-Remember that I can do hard things. We weren’t sent down here to earth for it to be easy! So why run when things get hard? I’ve learned that throughout my life every single hard thing I have gone through has made me stronger. Every time.

-Communicate! If there is not open communication, problems are bound to happen. Constant and open communication will keep us on the same page so that we can work together towards keeping a covenant marriage. I’ve noticed that every time my husband and I talk about an issue things instantly get easier and we grow so much closer.

-Sacrifice. Marriage isn’t about me. Marriage is about forgetting myself and focusing on others. There is a strength that comes from sacrificing, and I believe that there is no greater way to increase love for someone than to serve them. “…When ye are in the service of your fellow being ye are only in the service of your God.” –Mosiah 2:17

-Keep the promises that I’ve made with my Heavenly Father. I have made promises at baptism and in the temple. If I can stay true to those, there is no way my marriage will falter.

There are many other ways that I can strive to have a covenant marriage, but these are some of the thoughts that I had. I’m grateful for my marriage. I’m grateful that because I was married in the temple, the Lord’s house, my marriage won’t end at death but it’ll last for eternity. I’m grateful that I have made a covenant with my sweet husband AND with the Lord. My marriage has been such a wonderful gift in my life and I look forward to all that it brings in the future.

*If you would like to read the full talk, here is the link! I highly recommend it! https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/123343-Online.2016.Fall.FAML300.07/Course%20Files/Covenant_Marriage_Hafen.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=G6V5qWztTShCBtaTE2Z8067Ok&ou=123343)

Blessings of Family

Marriage is ordained of God. I know I’ve mentioned that before, but what a powerful phrase that is! To me, marriage is one of the strongest forms of love and commitment that can be experienced between two individuals. It’s a place of safety, love, and unity. In marriage, we can become so much more than we are capable of becoming on our own. There is power in it. It is in a sense, Godlike. But, in order for it to be Godlike, I believe it must be done the way God intended it to be. Since the beginning of time man and woman, male and female, were created to be together. Look at the world around us. It’s the way of nature! We wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for man and woman being joined together in love.

Many wonderful blessings come from the gift of marriage but to me one of the greatest gifts is family. Nothing is more beautiful than when man and woman can together create a family of their own, brining children into the world. But man and woman are crucial for this to happen. Russell M Nelson, an LDS apostle, said, “Male and female are created for what they can do and become, together. It takes a man and a woman to bring a child into the world. Mothers and fathers are not interchangeable. Men and women are distinct and complementary. Children deserve a chance to grow up with both a mom and a dad.” Growing up in a home with both a mother and father has been a key part of me being who I am today. I have developed certain skills and characteristics from each of my parents that I know I wouldn’t have been able to learn from the other. Like Nelson said, children deserve to be raised like this. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for the influence of both of my parents.

In a Conference held at BYU, Religious Freedom Annual Review, Alexander Dushku talks about the importance of having a voice. He said that if we just sit around, don’t stand up for what we believe in, and give up, then the supreme courts decision on gay marriage will become a disaster of religious liberties. But, if we make sacrifices, stand strong, and have a voice, although it may be difficult at times, “both culture and the law will give respect and the freedom deserved to those that believe in traditional marriage.” That is why I have an opinion. That is why I am raising my voice. Traditional marriage needs to be fought for! There will be no change if there is no voice. Let us all stand up for righteousness despite the difficulties that may come!

Fight For What's Right

We live in a world where people aren't afraid to make it known when they disagree with something. People aren't afraid to push to the limits when they believe something is wrong and want it right. Tradition and the "norms" are becoming less important and more of an "anything goes" attitude is being developed. We live in a world where the concept of family, something so wonderful and valuable, is getting destroyed and isn't fought for like it should be.

Why is it that we fight for gay marriage, but we aren't fighting for the rapid disappearance of traditional marriage? Why is it that media portrays that it is acceptable to cheat on your spouse if it's "love? Why is it that you can get divorced if you all of a sudden decide you don't want to be married anymore? Why is it that careers will at times be put before bringing children into the world? Why is it that if you're not committed enough to get marred you can just live together until it works out or doesn't?

All of these things are commonly found in the world we live in, and it breaks my heart. I think we are so blinded at times that we forget to see the facts. In an article called "State of our Unions" it explains the difference between children raised in cohabiting homes vs. children raised in an intact, married, father and mother household. Studies show that children raised in cohabiting homes are less likely to thrive, they do worse socially, educationally, and psychologically, and they are more likely to be physically, sexually, and emotionally abused. The article also said that 60% of marriages begin with individuals living together, but also that cohabiting couples with a child together are twice a likely to break up before their child turns 12 than married couples.

I was raised in a home with two parents that love each other very much. From them I have been able to see first hand that strength and blessings that come from having both a mother and father figure in my life. I have learned about the importance of commitment and not giving up when times get hard. They have shown me that family, parents and children, are what bring the most joy in life. My family is my support group. They are people that I know I can always rely on and turn to in times of need. My parents have taught me a lot, and I see a lot of what I do imitate that. Studies have shown that many follow the examples of their parents. What example do we want our children following?

I know not everyone has the most ideal family situation, and many with no fault of their own. But, I love that we can be the change that we want in our families. If we were raised in a not so ideal situation, we can choose to not follow in our parents footsteps. Just that one choice can affect generations and generations.

Carlfred Broderick said:

"A transitional character is one who, in a single generation, changes the entire course of a lineage. The changes might be for good or ill, but the most noteworthy examples are those individuals who grow up in an abusive, emotionally destructive environment and who somehow find a way to metabolize the poison and refuse to pass it on to their children. They break the mold. They refute  the observation that abused children become abusive parents, that the children of alcoholics become alcoholic adults, that “the sins of the fathers are visited upon the heads of the children to the third and fourth generation.” Their contribution to humanity is to filter the destructiveness out of their own lineage so that the generations downstream will have a supportive foundation upon which to build productive lives.”

Whether we had good upbringing or not, let us all be the change for good in the world! 


 

Goodbye Summer, HELLO School

8 MONTHS LATER AND I'M BACK!

I cannot believe it's been 8 months since I've written on here! And there I was telling you all that I wasn't going to be that person that just forgets about my blog... well, I guess I lied.

BUT,
I'm back, and I'm staying.

I just started school back up and I am taking a marriage class. I'm super excited about it. We are to make a blog to share facts and our beliefs about the importance of marriage, so why not use this one?! I look forward to all that I'm going to learn this semester and hope that I can make a difference in someone's life through the things that I share. Feel free to leave comments or ask questions if you have any!

One thing I know for sure is that marriage is ordained of God. He didn't send us here to earth to get through it on our own, but to find a companion and work through life's struggles with together. Marriage can help us become so much more than we can be on our own.

Keep tuned for more thoughts on marriage as I go throughout the semester!

Since I've been gone for 8 months, here's 8 updates of my life:

1. I have 100% switched to online classes. That's right! That means trying to figure out time management and learning how to teach myself. It's been a challenge, but it's also been a blessing.
2. My twin brother got married in February and now they are expecting a child in November! I am so excited! It's crazy how time flies! But, they live out in Utah so we don't get to see them often :( . Thank goodness for Skype!
3. ...... I GOT MARRIED!!!! Colton and I (my boyfriend I was telling you about in my last post) got married May 27 of this year. He is the most amazing man and I don't know how I got so blessed with him. It amazes me that the Lord led me to be with someone that is so perfect for me. I sure love that husband of mine!
4. We went to the BAHAMAS for our honeymoon! Talk about paradise! We went kayaking and snorkeling in the ocean, got a tour of the area, walked the streets, chilled on the beach, and ate way too much ice cream!
5. Colton and I are now living in Washington, MO, a small town west of St. Louis. Both of our families live close and we feel so blessed to be here. We love it!
6. We have tried to fill our summer with a bunch of fun things. We went to a few Cardinals games, a Rascal Flatts concert, and a Luke Bryan concert. They were all SO FUN and wish summer didn't have to end.
7. I got a job at Engineered Fire Protection. It's a fire protection company and I'm their front desk lady. I answer the phones, do a bunch of paperwork, send out mail, try to keep the plants alive, and all sorts of other things. It's a good job and I really enjoy the people that I work with. I've learned a ton!
8. I love my life. Although it's not always easy, God is so good and I feel so blessed.

Our Happily Ever After!

Trust

Wow! It's been a long time since I've written a blog post and a lot has happened. My blog was originally created for my Family Relations class to share with everyone what I have learned and hopefully make a difference in someone's life. Well, that class is over now... and I'm glad to say that I finished with an A! Many people write their blogs and forget about them after the semester is over, and although it looks like that's been the case for me, I want to keep up on blogging. I love it! I love to be able to reflect on my life, what has happened, and what I've learned, and I love knowing that HOPEFULLY someone can benefit from it.

Let me catch you up a little on my life right now. A few weeks ago I was attending school at BYU-Idaho and I also planned staying there this semester (for winter). I even bought a housing contract. At the time I had been praying for guidance on different things I needed to be doing with my life. A few weeks after that, my roommates convinced me to go to a meeting where people were talking about a service trip. I went with the attitude that it was dumb, and really just went for the free food ;). After I had learned about the amazing opportunity to go to another country, take care of children in orphanages, volunteer at a hospital, and teach children English, my attitude started to change. I felt that I needed to go home and make money, and I really wanted to do that! So, I was going to Romania! I canceled my housing contract and was prepared to go home and work.

Over the rest of the semester, I my desire to go to Romania started to decrease. Now don't get me wrong, I still want to go and think it would be an amazing opportunity, but at the moment I feel like it's not for me. I also didn't love the idea of going to another country for a few months with no one that I know... but that's another story. Although my desires started changing, I still felt that I needed to go home this semester. So, that's what I did.

I came home and got to spend the wonderful holidays with my family and loved ones. My sweet grandparents drove my brother and I all the way to Missouri from Utah and stayed with us for the Christmas season. I loved having them here. It was so nice to be home for Christmas and New Years and to create more lasting memories. We spent the holidays just relaxing, laughing, eating way too much food, and playing weird games that my family came up with.

During all of this, and even a little before, I got back together with my sweet boyfriend Colton (our story is long and complicated, so I can definitely save that one for another time). Let me just tell you, he is so patient and so great! He has taught me a bunch about selfless service, hard work, obedience, love, dedication, and true Christ-like attributes. He's the best! We've already done a ton of fun stuff together and have seen each other every day since I've been home.

After the holidays, my brother moved out to Utah to get ready for his wedding, all my friends/family went back to school and work, and I got a few weeks to be with my cute mom. I have loved every minute. We have spent a lot of time talking and being together, and she will never know the great impact that she has had on me. Throughout these last couple of weeks, she has helped me overcome some of my fears and problems, and has given me faith for the future.

I am taking online classes at the moment to continue my education and just got offered a job and I start on Monday!! It's bitter-sweet because I am so excited and so grateful, but bummed that I'm going to not have this precious time with my mom anymore.

So, from the looks of it, it may look like my life just fell into place and everything is perfect... but that's not exactly how it went. As I've thought about this post, I thought back to school and all of the stress that I faced. I had a lot of big decisions to make ahead of me. I remember multiple times crying in confusion not knowing what to do with my life. My mom is great and always listened to me, even though I probably drove her nuts because it was always the same conversation that we had.

Here's a couple examples of things I've had to worry about recently (Even since I've been home):
-Should I pick up and go to Romania for a few months?
-What if I get super homesick? Or am super lonely?
-What about school? When will I ever finish?
-If I go home what am I going to do?
-Where am I going to get a job?
-What do I do with my relationship with Colton? Will things workout?
-What if I can't save enough money for school?
-How am I going to balance online classes with work?
-Will my relationship with my brother decrease after he moves?
-What if I go crazy living at home?

Today I've pondered why and how all of these things have been working out and I know that there is one main solution... TRUST. I remember back a few months ago I was praying really hard for some guidance. I was asking God for answers and wondering why it felt like nothing was happening, and then answer came to me one day. I got the impression that God knows me and He knows me perfectly. He knows how I am and He knows how I function. Don't get so caught up in making decisions right now because if I'm doing what's right, He won't let me make a wrong decision. He will lead and guide me, but I must be patient. After having all of these thoughts, I turned to the scriptures and it automatically turned to my favorite one:

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Trust is all we need! If we trust in God, we can't go wrong. I strive to live by that and live with the mindset that "everything will work out", and I believe that's why it does. I'm not saying that everything is perfect, but I do know that because of God I have experienced a lot of blessings lately. I don't know all that the future entails, but I do know that as I continue to trust in Him, everything will work out. Let us all strive this new year to strengthen our relationships with Jesus Christ and trust Him in all circumstances.

My cute family with Nana and Gramps!

Colton and I :)

One of my favorite Christmas activities: ugly sweater making contest!