Blessings of Family

Marriage is ordained of God. I know I’ve mentioned that before, but what a powerful phrase that is! To me, marriage is one of the strongest forms of love and commitment that can be experienced between two individuals. It’s a place of safety, love, and unity. In marriage, we can become so much more than we are capable of becoming on our own. There is power in it. It is in a sense, Godlike. But, in order for it to be Godlike, I believe it must be done the way God intended it to be. Since the beginning of time man and woman, male and female, were created to be together. Look at the world around us. It’s the way of nature! We wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for man and woman being joined together in love.

Many wonderful blessings come from the gift of marriage but to me one of the greatest gifts is family. Nothing is more beautiful than when man and woman can together create a family of their own, brining children into the world. But man and woman are crucial for this to happen. Russell M Nelson, an LDS apostle, said, “Male and female are created for what they can do and become, together. It takes a man and a woman to bring a child into the world. Mothers and fathers are not interchangeable. Men and women are distinct and complementary. Children deserve a chance to grow up with both a mom and a dad.” Growing up in a home with both a mother and father has been a key part of me being who I am today. I have developed certain skills and characteristics from each of my parents that I know I wouldn’t have been able to learn from the other. Like Nelson said, children deserve to be raised like this. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for the influence of both of my parents.

In a Conference held at BYU, Religious Freedom Annual Review, Alexander Dushku talks about the importance of having a voice. He said that if we just sit around, don’t stand up for what we believe in, and give up, then the supreme courts decision on gay marriage will become a disaster of religious liberties. But, if we make sacrifices, stand strong, and have a voice, although it may be difficult at times, “both culture and the law will give respect and the freedom deserved to those that believe in traditional marriage.” That is why I have an opinion. That is why I am raising my voice. Traditional marriage needs to be fought for! There will be no change if there is no voice. Let us all stand up for righteousness despite the difficulties that may come!

Fight For What's Right

We live in a world where people aren't afraid to make it known when they disagree with something. People aren't afraid to push to the limits when they believe something is wrong and want it right. Tradition and the "norms" are becoming less important and more of an "anything goes" attitude is being developed. We live in a world where the concept of family, something so wonderful and valuable, is getting destroyed and isn't fought for like it should be.

Why is it that we fight for gay marriage, but we aren't fighting for the rapid disappearance of traditional marriage? Why is it that media portrays that it is acceptable to cheat on your spouse if it's "love? Why is it that you can get divorced if you all of a sudden decide you don't want to be married anymore? Why is it that careers will at times be put before bringing children into the world? Why is it that if you're not committed enough to get marred you can just live together until it works out or doesn't?

All of these things are commonly found in the world we live in, and it breaks my heart. I think we are so blinded at times that we forget to see the facts. In an article called "State of our Unions" it explains the difference between children raised in cohabiting homes vs. children raised in an intact, married, father and mother household. Studies show that children raised in cohabiting homes are less likely to thrive, they do worse socially, educationally, and psychologically, and they are more likely to be physically, sexually, and emotionally abused. The article also said that 60% of marriages begin with individuals living together, but also that cohabiting couples with a child together are twice a likely to break up before their child turns 12 than married couples.

I was raised in a home with two parents that love each other very much. From them I have been able to see first hand that strength and blessings that come from having both a mother and father figure in my life. I have learned about the importance of commitment and not giving up when times get hard. They have shown me that family, parents and children, are what bring the most joy in life. My family is my support group. They are people that I know I can always rely on and turn to in times of need. My parents have taught me a lot, and I see a lot of what I do imitate that. Studies have shown that many follow the examples of their parents. What example do we want our children following?

I know not everyone has the most ideal family situation, and many with no fault of their own. But, I love that we can be the change that we want in our families. If we were raised in a not so ideal situation, we can choose to not follow in our parents footsteps. Just that one choice can affect generations and generations.

Carlfred Broderick said:

"A transitional character is one who, in a single generation, changes the entire course of a lineage. The changes might be for good or ill, but the most noteworthy examples are those individuals who grow up in an abusive, emotionally destructive environment and who somehow find a way to metabolize the poison and refuse to pass it on to their children. They break the mold. They refute  the observation that abused children become abusive parents, that the children of alcoholics become alcoholic adults, that “the sins of the fathers are visited upon the heads of the children to the third and fourth generation.” Their contribution to humanity is to filter the destructiveness out of their own lineage so that the generations downstream will have a supportive foundation upon which to build productive lives.”

Whether we had good upbringing or not, let us all be the change for good in the world! 


 

Goodbye Summer, HELLO School

8 MONTHS LATER AND I'M BACK!

I cannot believe it's been 8 months since I've written on here! And there I was telling you all that I wasn't going to be that person that just forgets about my blog... well, I guess I lied.

BUT,
I'm back, and I'm staying.

I just started school back up and I am taking a marriage class. I'm super excited about it. We are to make a blog to share facts and our beliefs about the importance of marriage, so why not use this one?! I look forward to all that I'm going to learn this semester and hope that I can make a difference in someone's life through the things that I share. Feel free to leave comments or ask questions if you have any!

One thing I know for sure is that marriage is ordained of God. He didn't send us here to earth to get through it on our own, but to find a companion and work through life's struggles with together. Marriage can help us become so much more than we can be on our own.

Keep tuned for more thoughts on marriage as I go throughout the semester!

Since I've been gone for 8 months, here's 8 updates of my life:

1. I have 100% switched to online classes. That's right! That means trying to figure out time management and learning how to teach myself. It's been a challenge, but it's also been a blessing.
2. My twin brother got married in February and now they are expecting a child in November! I am so excited! It's crazy how time flies! But, they live out in Utah so we don't get to see them often :( . Thank goodness for Skype!
3. ...... I GOT MARRIED!!!! Colton and I (my boyfriend I was telling you about in my last post) got married May 27 of this year. He is the most amazing man and I don't know how I got so blessed with him. It amazes me that the Lord led me to be with someone that is so perfect for me. I sure love that husband of mine!
4. We went to the BAHAMAS for our honeymoon! Talk about paradise! We went kayaking and snorkeling in the ocean, got a tour of the area, walked the streets, chilled on the beach, and ate way too much ice cream!
5. Colton and I are now living in Washington, MO, a small town west of St. Louis. Both of our families live close and we feel so blessed to be here. We love it!
6. We have tried to fill our summer with a bunch of fun things. We went to a few Cardinals games, a Rascal Flatts concert, and a Luke Bryan concert. They were all SO FUN and wish summer didn't have to end.
7. I got a job at Engineered Fire Protection. It's a fire protection company and I'm their front desk lady. I answer the phones, do a bunch of paperwork, send out mail, try to keep the plants alive, and all sorts of other things. It's a good job and I really enjoy the people that I work with. I've learned a ton!
8. I love my life. Although it's not always easy, God is so good and I feel so blessed.

Our Happily Ever After!

Trust

Wow! It's been a long time since I've written a blog post and a lot has happened. My blog was originally created for my Family Relations class to share with everyone what I have learned and hopefully make a difference in someone's life. Well, that class is over now... and I'm glad to say that I finished with an A! Many people write their blogs and forget about them after the semester is over, and although it looks like that's been the case for me, I want to keep up on blogging. I love it! I love to be able to reflect on my life, what has happened, and what I've learned, and I love knowing that HOPEFULLY someone can benefit from it.

Let me catch you up a little on my life right now. A few weeks ago I was attending school at BYU-Idaho and I also planned staying there this semester (for winter). I even bought a housing contract. At the time I had been praying for guidance on different things I needed to be doing with my life. A few weeks after that, my roommates convinced me to go to a meeting where people were talking about a service trip. I went with the attitude that it was dumb, and really just went for the free food ;). After I had learned about the amazing opportunity to go to another country, take care of children in orphanages, volunteer at a hospital, and teach children English, my attitude started to change. I felt that I needed to go home and make money, and I really wanted to do that! So, I was going to Romania! I canceled my housing contract and was prepared to go home and work.

Over the rest of the semester, I my desire to go to Romania started to decrease. Now don't get me wrong, I still want to go and think it would be an amazing opportunity, but at the moment I feel like it's not for me. I also didn't love the idea of going to another country for a few months with no one that I know... but that's another story. Although my desires started changing, I still felt that I needed to go home this semester. So, that's what I did.

I came home and got to spend the wonderful holidays with my family and loved ones. My sweet grandparents drove my brother and I all the way to Missouri from Utah and stayed with us for the Christmas season. I loved having them here. It was so nice to be home for Christmas and New Years and to create more lasting memories. We spent the holidays just relaxing, laughing, eating way too much food, and playing weird games that my family came up with.

During all of this, and even a little before, I got back together with my sweet boyfriend Colton (our story is long and complicated, so I can definitely save that one for another time). Let me just tell you, he is so patient and so great! He has taught me a bunch about selfless service, hard work, obedience, love, dedication, and true Christ-like attributes. He's the best! We've already done a ton of fun stuff together and have seen each other every day since I've been home.

After the holidays, my brother moved out to Utah to get ready for his wedding, all my friends/family went back to school and work, and I got a few weeks to be with my cute mom. I have loved every minute. We have spent a lot of time talking and being together, and she will never know the great impact that she has had on me. Throughout these last couple of weeks, she has helped me overcome some of my fears and problems, and has given me faith for the future.

I am taking online classes at the moment to continue my education and just got offered a job and I start on Monday!! It's bitter-sweet because I am so excited and so grateful, but bummed that I'm going to not have this precious time with my mom anymore.

So, from the looks of it, it may look like my life just fell into place and everything is perfect... but that's not exactly how it went. As I've thought about this post, I thought back to school and all of the stress that I faced. I had a lot of big decisions to make ahead of me. I remember multiple times crying in confusion not knowing what to do with my life. My mom is great and always listened to me, even though I probably drove her nuts because it was always the same conversation that we had.

Here's a couple examples of things I've had to worry about recently (Even since I've been home):
-Should I pick up and go to Romania for a few months?
-What if I get super homesick? Or am super lonely?
-What about school? When will I ever finish?
-If I go home what am I going to do?
-Where am I going to get a job?
-What do I do with my relationship with Colton? Will things workout?
-What if I can't save enough money for school?
-How am I going to balance online classes with work?
-Will my relationship with my brother decrease after he moves?
-What if I go crazy living at home?

Today I've pondered why and how all of these things have been working out and I know that there is one main solution... TRUST. I remember back a few months ago I was praying really hard for some guidance. I was asking God for answers and wondering why it felt like nothing was happening, and then answer came to me one day. I got the impression that God knows me and He knows me perfectly. He knows how I am and He knows how I function. Don't get so caught up in making decisions right now because if I'm doing what's right, He won't let me make a wrong decision. He will lead and guide me, but I must be patient. After having all of these thoughts, I turned to the scriptures and it automatically turned to my favorite one:

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Trust is all we need! If we trust in God, we can't go wrong. I strive to live by that and live with the mindset that "everything will work out", and I believe that's why it does. I'm not saying that everything is perfect, but I do know that because of God I have experienced a lot of blessings lately. I don't know all that the future entails, but I do know that as I continue to trust in Him, everything will work out. Let us all strive this new year to strengthen our relationships with Jesus Christ and trust Him in all circumstances.

My cute family with Nana and Gramps!

Colton and I :)

One of my favorite Christmas activities: ugly sweater making contest! 

This week in class we talked about divorce and step families. This topic is a little more difficult for me to write about because I don't have much experience, and every situation is different. We learned a lot about the effects that these two things have on children and parents, but I feel like the greatest lesson that I learned this week was the importance of not judging others!

In situations of divorce, and remarriage, this transition can be very difficult for the family. I feel like many times, it is so easy for someone on the outside to sit back and make assumptions. It's easy to blame a certain individual, and it can sometimes cause a bad taste in their mouth. BUT, it's so important to remember that we really don't know everything. We don't always know what happened, and we have no idea of the emotions that are being dealt with. It is so important for us as friends, family, and neighbors to be there for support.

In situations of divorce, it can be difficult to adjust to the new life. The parents have to learn how to live without their significant other, they have to learn how to make things fair and equal with their ex, and it's difficult when it comes to the children and how much time they get to spend with each of their parents. Child support can be an issue. Trying to date again and open your heart may be very difficult for many and take a lot of time to overcome. Many people may have a hard time getting dates when others find out they are divorced with kids. Then, once re-marriage happens, it can be difficult for the new spouse to adjust to all of a sudden having a few step-children. It's difficult for the children when they have a new "parent" in their lives. It's important to be careful of how parenting is handled as a new step-parent. Children may have a difficult time getting close to their new step-parent in fears of betraying their birth parent or not accepting them as a parent. etc.

 There are many different contributors to why divorce and step families may be so difficult. But really, the point I am trying to make is that this is a difficult time for everyone involved. The least that we can do is lend a hand of support and be there for whenever they may need us. We must stay away from judging.

Here is a really great song about a step-father. It's really touching and shows how important it is to have both roles (father and mother) in the home. This video shows the blessings that can come from re-marriage, if we just let it.

The Greatest Joy

   For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a mom. When I was a little girl, I would spend my time playing with dolls and "mothering" them. I remember using my little girl charm and convincing my brother to play with me... this consisted of him being the baby, and I got to be his bossy mom. Don't ask me how I was able to make that one happen! ;) haha I remember growing up and always being asked what I wanted to be when I was older. My thoughts would always instantly turn to being a mom, having a career as my backup plan. Motherhood has always been a dream of mine, and it's become more real as I get closer to that stage of my life. Although I've always wanted this, I think I had a false idea of what it was like. I just pictured myself having these ADORABLE babies that were perfect in every way, but the older I grow, and the closer I get to my own mom, I realize how difficult parenting really is. I believe that it takes someone extra special to be a good mother... and father!!

   Good parenting is SO important! First off, you're raising a child of your own. You are teaching them everything that they know! These children come to the earth with no knowledge, and it's up to you and your spouse to provide them with good knowledge, morals, beliefs, and character. I know for me, I would much rather have my children learn from me and my husband, rather than from kids at school or random people we interact with. We have the privilege to mold our children into someone even better than we are ourselves, but learning from our weaknesses and teaching them better. Our parenting impacts society. The children that we raise will be going out into the world, and it's up to us to help them become the good citizens that they should be. Many people will be influenced and impacted by our children's decisions and actions... like a chain reaction! How do we want our children to leave their marks of society? Also, not only does our parenting impact our children and society, but it also has a HUGE effect on ourselves as parents. Now, I don't have any children yet, but I hear it is the greatest joy! I look forward to the growth that I will personally have when I have my own children: a love that I have never felt before, trials that I have never faced, and skills that I have never had to practice before. It'll be tough, but so enjoyable!

There are three main types of parents:

Authoritarian/ Autocratic: These parents are over-controlling, use harsh words, make themselves higher than their children, and use strict punishment. This style of parenting creates a power struggle which increases stress between parents and the kids, which can lead to an increase in rebellion.

Permissive: These parents allow freedom without limits. They have more of a "do what you want" attitude. There are very little enforced rules and active involvement in their children's lives.

*Authoritative/ Active: These parents allow freedom within limits. There are expanding limits as more trust is built... parents back off more as children mature. This relationship is focused on responsibility, respect, and courage. Parents watch their tones and words, and focus on talking to their children like adults, until trust is broken. Then, they strive to calmly sit down together and make plans TOGETHER about the best ways to deal with problems at hand. Consequences, relating to the main problem, are then enforced if children continue to disobey.
This is the best, and most effective ways to raise your own children.

   I believe that in order to be successful, you must make plans in advance on what you want to do to be better. It takes lots of practice. I know that parenting is tough, but I think it's important not to get discouraged. It takes time to become the parent that we want to be, but baby steps in the right direction will still make all the difference.

   One last thing is that I believe we need to keep the "golden rule" mentality. We need to make sure we are talking to and treating our children the way that we would like to be treated... with respect! They are still people and have feelings of their own (even more than I feel we do), so we need to be sensitive to that.

   I am SO EXCITED for when I get to be a mom! I can't wait to be able to start a little family of my own, and teach them what I have learned over the years. I just hope that I can become even half of what my parents were/are to me. What an exciting job!

Work It

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone had a great time with family and loved ones this year! I sure enjoyed my Thanksgiving break. It was so nice to be away from school for a few days and to just be able to relax with those I love. It was fun to be with all of my different aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents and to enjoy all of their different personalities.

This class has made me more aware of/pay more attention to the different types of family systems and how they interact. It was neat to watch how each individual family interacted with each other this weekend.

I have learned even more this week of what I want for my future family. After seeing all of us together preparing for Thanksgiving, I have realized that I want a family that WORKS TOGETHER.

I feel that when families work together, such a strong bond is created. There is more cooperation, trust, creating, complementing, relying, and loving when families take time to actually BE TOGETHER rather than everyone off doing their own things. The experiences provided when families work together will be so much more valuable than those spent on recreation. Think about the olden days, when the main work was farming. It was a family project. Dad, Mom, AND kids would all work on the farm and in the house TOGETHER as a family. Bonds were strong, and families were very close. They had to rely on each other and worked together for their family's success. They didn't expect just one member of the family to provide, but they all contributed in different ways.

I believe that these types of relationships can be a lot more difficult now-a-days. Fathers are typically gone at work for 60+ hours a week, children are sent to school for 6+ hours a day, and mothers are either working or at home with younger children or preparing for when everyone comes home. It would make sense that you must work extra hard to have strong relationships like in the past. Families can't just automatically be strengthened either, the relationships must be worked at. Even after school and work, work still needs to be done around the house. It never ends. I believe the greatest way to truly strengthen family relationships is to work TOGETHER on things throughout the home and really focus on each other. If we focus so much on just completing the task at hand rather than working on it with the family, many growing and learning opportunities with your children will be passed up.

I recently read an article found at: http://magazine.byu.edu/article/family-work/
This was SO GOOD and gave so many great ideas of how you can successfully work within your families. CHECK IT OUT... It explains things way better than I ever could!

May we take time to slow down our busy lives and focus on those who matter most. As we strive to strengthen our family relationships, there will be such an increase of peace and joy in our homes.
The way to success is WORK!