When Two Become One

Marriage... This post is about marriage, and I cannot relate! This week in class was super interesting though. We talked about the blessings and the hardships that are experienced within marriage. My whole life I was told that marriage is hard and it takes work to be successful, but I don't think I ever really comprehended that one. In my mind I thought "why on earth would it be hard? If you love each other, what's hard about it?" I would watch fairy tales and chick flicks and imagine my future life to be like that. In some ways that's true, but in most, that's not the case. I'm not saying that marriage isn't fun, and that it's a constant battle, but if you're not willing to work on your weaknesses and make compromises, it can't be as successful as one would dream.

Although I don't have much (actually absolutely NO) experience on this topic, I think one of the most difficult aspects of beginning married life is having to adjust. We all have lived our lives the way that we've wanted for 20+ years, and then all of a sudden we're married and share our lives with someone else who may have been living theirs completely differently.

I don't think we realize how big of a deal the little things are until we completely share our lives with someone else. Here are some examples that can make adjusting a little more difficult:

-Finances. That can either be a HUGE blessing or a HUGE struggle. I am a saver and have a hard time spending a lot of money. If I married a man that didn't know how to save and bought everything and anything, I know I would have a difficult time figuring out a balance.
-Sleeping patters. I don't like sleeping in a hot room. I prefer cold. Also, every night before I go to sleep, I unmake my bed, lift up my legs to let my blanket fall over them, and get all bundled up (haha #WEIRDO). Some people love sleeping with it warm and having their blankets tucked into the bed....adjustment!
-Chores in the home. Who does what? I was raised having a mom that cooks and cleans, while my dad works hard and provides for the family. But, my dad knows know to clean and helps out, and does when needed. Does your potential spouse know how to help out? Are they willing to?
-Habits. We all have weird habits and ways that we do things. I fold my towels a certain way, load the dishwasher a certain way, and even have the same getting ready routine. I know that everyone does things differently, so it's something to expect when you get married. The thing that causes difficulties is when you give off the appearance that how your spouse does things is incorrect. Nothing is worse than going in and fixing/changing what they've done when they were just trying to help. What does that show them? I think that it gives the appearance that you are unappreciative! Let your spouses help, whether they do things the way you like it or not!
-Schedules. Everyone has different schedules and that can be a difficult adjustment. Once you're married, it's not just about you anymore.... it becomes "us." Everything deals with the two of you!! No more single life!!!
-Traditions. I don't know about you but I LOVE traditions and we have quite a few in my family. In marriage, basically two families are combining. You now are dealing with both families and their traditions. You have to figure out where you go for your holidays and who you spend time with, how to share the time, and how to keep all involved. As a new couples though, you get to create your own new family, with your own new traditions, AND IT'S YOUR VERY OWN!!
-Child birth. This one is HUGE! And has HUGE effects on marriage. It can either strengthen it or weaken it. Studies have shown that many times marriage satisfaction goes down after a child is born. This is due to so much focus on the child that the focus on each other isn't as common. Many times the husbands suffer because they may feel helpless. They may go to help but their wives have the "I've got this" attitude and put all their efforts into helping this little baby. I'm not saying that you shouldn't focus on the baby, but there's a way to be a great parent and keep both of you involved in raising the child. You BOTH created it, and you BOTH are needed in raising it successfully. I'm grateful for this class because it opened my eyes on this topic. I feel that sometimes it's so easy to forget about what is most important, something we don't always think about. BUT it can also be a huge strength to your marriage if you are willing to WORK!
-Making decisions. We all have different interests and goals, so sometimes agreeing on something can be a struggle. My parents play the 1-10 method where they rank the importance 1-10 and decide based on that. I think that's a pretty smart idea, that way you always know how your spouse is feeling about a certain idea.

OVERLOAD! Sorry for all the examples but they're SO IMPORTANT!... and there are WAY more, but those are a few big ones. Basically moral of the story: compromise, communication, sacrifice, and selflessness are KEY to a successful marriage. This post isn't made to scare anyone off, but to point out that it takes work on both of our parts. This is a two person job! Although it's a huge commitment, I look forward to the day that I am married and can figure all of this out for myself. What an adventure!