This week in class we talked about divorce and step families. This topic is a little more difficult for me to write about because I don't have much experience, and every situation is different. We learned a lot about the effects that these two things have on children and parents, but I feel like the greatest lesson that I learned this week was the importance of not judging others!

In situations of divorce, and remarriage, this transition can be very difficult for the family. I feel like many times, it is so easy for someone on the outside to sit back and make assumptions. It's easy to blame a certain individual, and it can sometimes cause a bad taste in their mouth. BUT, it's so important to remember that we really don't know everything. We don't always know what happened, and we have no idea of the emotions that are being dealt with. It is so important for us as friends, family, and neighbors to be there for support.

In situations of divorce, it can be difficult to adjust to the new life. The parents have to learn how to live without their significant other, they have to learn how to make things fair and equal with their ex, and it's difficult when it comes to the children and how much time they get to spend with each of their parents. Child support can be an issue. Trying to date again and open your heart may be very difficult for many and take a lot of time to overcome. Many people may have a hard time getting dates when others find out they are divorced with kids. Then, once re-marriage happens, it can be difficult for the new spouse to adjust to all of a sudden having a few step-children. It's difficult for the children when they have a new "parent" in their lives. It's important to be careful of how parenting is handled as a new step-parent. Children may have a difficult time getting close to their new step-parent in fears of betraying their birth parent or not accepting them as a parent. etc.

 There are many different contributors to why divorce and step families may be so difficult. But really, the point I am trying to make is that this is a difficult time for everyone involved. The least that we can do is lend a hand of support and be there for whenever they may need us. We must stay away from judging.

Here is a really great song about a step-father. It's really touching and shows how important it is to have both roles (father and mother) in the home. This video shows the blessings that can come from re-marriage, if we just let it.

The Greatest Joy

   For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a mom. When I was a little girl, I would spend my time playing with dolls and "mothering" them. I remember using my little girl charm and convincing my brother to play with me... this consisted of him being the baby, and I got to be his bossy mom. Don't ask me how I was able to make that one happen! ;) haha I remember growing up and always being asked what I wanted to be when I was older. My thoughts would always instantly turn to being a mom, having a career as my backup plan. Motherhood has always been a dream of mine, and it's become more real as I get closer to that stage of my life. Although I've always wanted this, I think I had a false idea of what it was like. I just pictured myself having these ADORABLE babies that were perfect in every way, but the older I grow, and the closer I get to my own mom, I realize how difficult parenting really is. I believe that it takes someone extra special to be a good mother... and father!!

   Good parenting is SO important! First off, you're raising a child of your own. You are teaching them everything that they know! These children come to the earth with no knowledge, and it's up to you and your spouse to provide them with good knowledge, morals, beliefs, and character. I know for me, I would much rather have my children learn from me and my husband, rather than from kids at school or random people we interact with. We have the privilege to mold our children into someone even better than we are ourselves, but learning from our weaknesses and teaching them better. Our parenting impacts society. The children that we raise will be going out into the world, and it's up to us to help them become the good citizens that they should be. Many people will be influenced and impacted by our children's decisions and actions... like a chain reaction! How do we want our children to leave their marks of society? Also, not only does our parenting impact our children and society, but it also has a HUGE effect on ourselves as parents. Now, I don't have any children yet, but I hear it is the greatest joy! I look forward to the growth that I will personally have when I have my own children: a love that I have never felt before, trials that I have never faced, and skills that I have never had to practice before. It'll be tough, but so enjoyable!

There are three main types of parents:

Authoritarian/ Autocratic: These parents are over-controlling, use harsh words, make themselves higher than their children, and use strict punishment. This style of parenting creates a power struggle which increases stress between parents and the kids, which can lead to an increase in rebellion.

Permissive: These parents allow freedom without limits. They have more of a "do what you want" attitude. There are very little enforced rules and active involvement in their children's lives.

*Authoritative/ Active: These parents allow freedom within limits. There are expanding limits as more trust is built... parents back off more as children mature. This relationship is focused on responsibility, respect, and courage. Parents watch their tones and words, and focus on talking to their children like adults, until trust is broken. Then, they strive to calmly sit down together and make plans TOGETHER about the best ways to deal with problems at hand. Consequences, relating to the main problem, are then enforced if children continue to disobey.
This is the best, and most effective ways to raise your own children.

   I believe that in order to be successful, you must make plans in advance on what you want to do to be better. It takes lots of practice. I know that parenting is tough, but I think it's important not to get discouraged. It takes time to become the parent that we want to be, but baby steps in the right direction will still make all the difference.

   One last thing is that I believe we need to keep the "golden rule" mentality. We need to make sure we are talking to and treating our children the way that we would like to be treated... with respect! They are still people and have feelings of their own (even more than I feel we do), so we need to be sensitive to that.

   I am SO EXCITED for when I get to be a mom! I can't wait to be able to start a little family of my own, and teach them what I have learned over the years. I just hope that I can become even half of what my parents were/are to me. What an exciting job!

Work It

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone had a great time with family and loved ones this year! I sure enjoyed my Thanksgiving break. It was so nice to be away from school for a few days and to just be able to relax with those I love. It was fun to be with all of my different aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents and to enjoy all of their different personalities.

This class has made me more aware of/pay more attention to the different types of family systems and how they interact. It was neat to watch how each individual family interacted with each other this weekend.

I have learned even more this week of what I want for my future family. After seeing all of us together preparing for Thanksgiving, I have realized that I want a family that WORKS TOGETHER.

I feel that when families work together, such a strong bond is created. There is more cooperation, trust, creating, complementing, relying, and loving when families take time to actually BE TOGETHER rather than everyone off doing their own things. The experiences provided when families work together will be so much more valuable than those spent on recreation. Think about the olden days, when the main work was farming. It was a family project. Dad, Mom, AND kids would all work on the farm and in the house TOGETHER as a family. Bonds were strong, and families were very close. They had to rely on each other and worked together for their family's success. They didn't expect just one member of the family to provide, but they all contributed in different ways.

I believe that these types of relationships can be a lot more difficult now-a-days. Fathers are typically gone at work for 60+ hours a week, children are sent to school for 6+ hours a day, and mothers are either working or at home with younger children or preparing for when everyone comes home. It would make sense that you must work extra hard to have strong relationships like in the past. Families can't just automatically be strengthened either, the relationships must be worked at. Even after school and work, work still needs to be done around the house. It never ends. I believe the greatest way to truly strengthen family relationships is to work TOGETHER on things throughout the home and really focus on each other. If we focus so much on just completing the task at hand rather than working on it with the family, many growing and learning opportunities with your children will be passed up.

I recently read an article found at: http://magazine.byu.edu/article/family-work/
This was SO GOOD and gave so many great ideas of how you can successfully work within your families. CHECK IT OUT... It explains things way better than I ever could!

May we take time to slow down our busy lives and focus on those who matter most. As we strive to strengthen our family relationships, there will be such an increase of peace and joy in our homes.
The way to success is WORK!

Speak Now

Have you ever noticed how many times you miscommunicate with someone? Or you get offended by something someone said, or the facial expression that they made, just to find out they didn't intend to hurt you at all? I've noticed that in my life, communication is HUGE! I can't tell you how many times I misinterpret people's responses or reactions. I feel like it happens on a daily basis!

Did you know communication is made up of:
- 14% WORDS
- 35% TONE
- 51% NON-VERBAL
Did you know that you can never NOT communicate? Everything that we do is a type of communication! That means we need to be extra careful with the way that we act around people so that they don't get the wrong ideas of how we are feeling or what me mean.

I've learned that I need to openly talk with people to be on the same page, or else there is tension for sure! You never know what someone else is thinking, all you have to help you is their words, tone, and expressions/actions.

Communication is key in day-to-day living, but also in marriage. You must be able to openly talk about things in order to grow closer and progress. This is extremely important when it comes to decision making! As a married couple, you make decisions DAILY! It's important to be able to see where each other stands and then to make decisions TOGETHER.

Here is a suggestion of how we can better communicate with our spouse, make decisions together, and discuss problems as they arise:
-Be in a sacred place. Your individual homes are places that are set apart from the world, where we can be together in love and unity.
-Set aside a time weekly to be able to talk. Talk about issues and concerns, ideas and goals. Anything really!
-Start by expressing your love and appreciation for each other. Set aside any defenses.
-Begin with prayer. Pray for the Spirit to be there and for guidance.
-Be open and honest in your discussions with each other. Take turns speaking. Focus on what you both feel the best thing is, not so much on your own opinions. What would the Lord want you do to?
-Finish with prayer

It is important to know and remember the difference between COMPROMISE and CONSENSUS.
When we compromise with our spouse, we are both coming with opinions of things we individually want, and from there we decide what we are willing to give up in order to still get what we personally want. When there is consensus made, we are BOTH focusing on what the Lord wants for us. We are forgetting about what we want most, and are working to do His will, as a joint decision. I think this is super important to think about, but especially to remember. We came to earth to do the Lord's will. Sometimes we forget that and get so caught up in the world, but think about it! What's the point of being here if we're not working towards anything? If we're not doing what God wants us to do? He loves us so much that He will make sure we're happy and taken care of. He's not going to lead us to do something that won't bless our lives! So how about rather than focusing so much on ourselves and what we want, let's focus on what the Lord wants us to do...because ultimately, He knows us better than we know ourselves so He's going to know what'll be the best thing for us. As we do this, our relationships with our spouses will grow so much stronger as well.

Just think about the impact this way of counsel would have on a marriage! When there is time set aside to talk about things, and it is handled this way, many issues and struggles in the future can and will be prevented. All problems start small, and if you can catch them and talk about them before they starts to grow, that'll make all the difference!

Let us remember this week that no one can read our minds! They can only read the cues that we are giving them! Let's take time out of our busy lives to sit down and actually talk with people, and if there are concerns, confront them!

Arising From the Darkness

Everyone has a story! Everyone has their own battle they are fighting, or have fought that help make them who they are today. This is something that I try to remember and live by. Knowing this, we should never judge others until we truly get to know them and their stories.

This week has been a really hard, but also a really good week. It's been difficult because some of my own individual trials and struggles have come up and I've had to work hard to overcome them. It's been really good though because I have learned a lot about myself this week: how I deal with hardships, who I can trust and confide in, and also what I want to change in the future to be the person I am working to become. This week has also been really great because, while in the midst of my struggles, I've been able to talk to some of my really close friends and family and learn more about them and the battles they are fighting. My eyes have been opened even more to the concept that "everyone has a story." I was recently talking to someone very close to me. Looking at them, I assumed that they had a perfect life and never went through anything hard. I got jealous of them and wondered why my life couldn't be the same. And honestly, I kind of judged them for having such a "perfect" life. After sitting down and having a long heart-to-heart, I learned that I was completely wrong. They had gone through some super difficult things that made them who they are today. I felt TERRIBLE for just assuming things without ever taking time to sincerely get to know them. After our talk, I gained so much respect for them because of the battles they have conquered and because they were willing to share their story with me.
Looking back on this week, I am so grateful for all that I have learned.

Not only do we all have our own personal trials, but we as families go through hard times as well. Sometimes they arise because of the poor choices of others (or ourselves): addictions, infidelity, changes in beliefs, divorce, abuse, crimes, etc. And sometimes our family struggles come due to things that we have no control over: health problems, mental disorders, miscarriages, death of loved ones, losing a job, etc.
No matter what it is, it isn't easy, or even ideal to be dealing with. These can all be referred to as "FAMILY CRISIS."

I don't know about you, but I believe that it's so much easier to talk about how to cope with crisis, rather than to actually do it. It's so easy for me to get caught up in the moment of my discouragements that I forget about the techniques/tools we are all given to make them a little more bearable. For those of you struggling, LISTEN UP because I'm going to share a few coping patterns that definitely make a difference!

1. Take Responsibility: Don't deny or avoid the problem at hand, don't blame others, and do not play the victim game. If we live our lives blaming others or remain hurt and in pain because we were "the victim," it makes it so much harder to move forward, not looking back. We must take responsibility for our actions, and even the actions of others. Confrontation may be necessary in order to help the problem at hand.

2. Affirm Your Own and Your Family's Worth: Hardships have the tendency to destroy your self-esteem. Don't let that happen! I believe that in order to be successful, it first starts with believing it. If we don't believe we're good enough or can't conquer our trials, what is the likelihood of us actually doing that?? BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! And remember that everyone has their own battles; just because you have one you're fighting now, that doesn't make you any less important than someone else.

3. Balance Self-Concern with Other-Concern: It's so easy to focus so much on ourselves in trials that we forget about helping others. I know for me, the greatest way to forget myself and experience true joy is through service to others. BUT, we also must remember, we can't be TOO focused on other people that we forget about our own needs. There is a fine balance between the two but they both play such an important role in coping.

4. Learn the Art of Reframing: Change your perspective on a situation. The way we deal with things and the difficulty of our trials is all about our attitude! I was just talking to one of my friends the other day (different friend than earlier) and they were telling me about how they struggle with depression. They were telling me that it is really tough on them and a daily battle. It was neat though to see their perspective on the challenge. Instead of sitting and complaining about how much they wanted it to go away, they told me that they were actually grateful for this trial. WHAT?! They said that because of it, they have been able to help out others with the same problem and understand what they are going through. My friend has looked at the trial as a building and strengthening experience, rather than the opposite.

5. Find and Use Available Resources: There are numberless resources in the community. There are help groups, churches, therapists, doctors, tons of challenge specific programs, friends, family, books, etc. We must be proactive and find help. We can't expect our trials to just disappear if we aren't willing to do anything about them. I know for me, one of the greatest ways to cope is talking to someone who cares and won't judge. My poor mom gets an earful every time a new challenge comes up in my life. But, I am SO very grateful for her and her patience, her willingness to be there no matter the circumstances. Now I know that not everyone may have close family or friends that they feel comfortable talking to... so that leads me into my last and favorite way of coping!

6. God: God loves each of His children (us) so dearly that He sent His perfect Son Jesus Christ to suffer for us. He felt EVERYTHING. He felt our pains, our sorrows, sicknesses, discouragements, sins, regrets, struggles. Because of this, He is the only one that truly knows how we feel and how to help us. We must trust in Him and pray that He will give us strength to bear our trials, and I know He will. Christ is just waiting there to help us, BUT it's up to us to take the first step. This week I've had to rely on the Savior a lot, and it's amazing the amount of love and peace I've been able to feel. This is real and available to ALL who trust Him.

What's interesting to remember is that often times in our lives, trials come when we are doing things right. I believe this is because we are here on earth to grow and become better. Trials make us stretch and sometimes push us to the limit, but we always come out a stronger person in the end.

I'm interested to hear about your own individuals coping strategies and what works best for you or your family. Comment your ideas below!

This is one of my absolute FAVORITE quotes by Joseph B. Wirthlin!

Oh Come All Ye Faithful

Fidelity
noun

-faithfulness to a person, cause, or belief, demonstrated by continuing loyalty and support.

This is the topic of today's post. I've been thinking a lot about marriage lately... what keeps it strong, what tears it apart, the joys and hardships experienced, and I have gained a lot of new insights.

Honestly, I've gotten a little more fearful about the future, but also have learned the importance of working at it and giving your all. Many marriages fail because of a lack of work. You can't expect a marriage to last if you're not willing to constantly try to strengthen it. I feel that many times we picture marriage as a fairytale and don't think about all that it entails. When hardships arise, we don't quite know what to do because it wasn't "in our plans." It's important that we recognize this and realize that we (and our spouse) are in COMPLETE control of what happens within the marriage. We all have the ability to keep it strong and safe! But, we must work together as a team! Not one person can do it alone!

Just recently I've realized quite a few people I know have suffered from divorce. It's becoming more and more common and it just breaks my heart. I keep randomly hearing about some of my friends whose marriages haven't lasted. Now I have NO IDEA what caused the divorces or why, and it's not my business at all. But, I do know that infidelity is a huge cause for many divorces no-a-days (don't get me wrong, I am not saying that this is what my friends have done). I feel like it's EVERYWHERE! It's in movies, on TV, on the radio, in books... everywhere I look I feel that it is brought up. It is SO common now and such a heartbreaking though.

We've learned in class this week that even the strongest of people who never would've even considered cheating have messed up. This is because we get so comfortable that we don't make a conscious effort to strengthen our marriages. Most people don't just one day decide that they're going to cheat, but more times than not it starts with small actions that eventually lead to bigger.

Now I don't want this entry to be a negative one and talk about all of the bad things that people do, I want the complete opposite. So, I'm going to discuss a few things that can/must be done to remain faithful, loyal, and have complete fidelity to your spouse.
-There must be boundaries that are kept within a marriage. Certain things must remain between the two of you. That's where loyalty comes in. When a spouse goes out and discusses sensitive or private things with other friends or family members, trust issues are formed and it can cause issues in the future.
-Marital problems should be kept between you and your spouse, and a professional/religious leader if necessary. Grudges with family/friends last a lot longer than they need to sometimes. So, if someone talks badly about their spouse to a trusted friend or family member, their viewpoint of them may change... and even if things get better in the future, they still may keep the same opinions and think that things are still going badly.
-Avoid confiding in an individual of the opposite sex, besides your spouse. Many times, these topics discussed are close to the heart and very personal. Confiding in others can create a stronger relationship between the two of you, so obviously not a good idea with someone rather than your spouse.
-Your spouse is your best friend. It's hard, but when one gets married, friendships with the opposite sex many times must be cut off, or very distant. What good is it to have a close friend of the opposite gender after you're married anyways? What's the point? It's important that your friends are your spouse's friends as well. Do things as couples. Avoid personal chats with friends of the opposite gender on social media, and remain open with your spouse.
-Give your WHOLE heart. Don't hold back on anything. When you marry, you are COMPLETELY committed to your spouse and no one else.
-Keep your thoughts positive and on your spouse. NO ONE ELSE.
-AVOID PORNOGRAPHY!!! It is so dangerous and destroys marriages! We all marry someone with imperfections, but we still love them because it's REAL. You're marriage and relationship is REAL. What a wonderful thing that is!
-Be kind and loving on the inside!
-Openly communicate and talk about your problems or concerns. No one can change unless they know what they are doing wrong.

These are only a few ways to keep your marriage strong and remain faithful to your spouse, but they are SO important... every single one of them.

Spencer W. Kimball nails it right on the head with this powerful quote:

"There are those married people who permit their eyes to wander and their hearts to become vagrant, who think it is not improper to flirt a little, to share their hearts and have desire for someone other than the wife or the husband. The Lord says in no uncertain terms: 'Thous shalt love they wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.' And, when the Lord says ALL thy heart, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving. And, to the woman it is paraphrased: 'Thou shalt love thy husband with ALL thy heart and shalt cleave unto him and none else.' The words NONE ELSE eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse."

POWERFUL! Cleave unto your spouses! And if not married yet (like me) prepare yourself for when that day comes so that we can be as faithful and loyal as the Lord would want us to be. 

When Two Become One

Marriage... This post is about marriage, and I cannot relate! This week in class was super interesting though. We talked about the blessings and the hardships that are experienced within marriage. My whole life I was told that marriage is hard and it takes work to be successful, but I don't think I ever really comprehended that one. In my mind I thought "why on earth would it be hard? If you love each other, what's hard about it?" I would watch fairy tales and chick flicks and imagine my future life to be like that. In some ways that's true, but in most, that's not the case. I'm not saying that marriage isn't fun, and that it's a constant battle, but if you're not willing to work on your weaknesses and make compromises, it can't be as successful as one would dream.

Although I don't have much (actually absolutely NO) experience on this topic, I think one of the most difficult aspects of beginning married life is having to adjust. We all have lived our lives the way that we've wanted for 20+ years, and then all of a sudden we're married and share our lives with someone else who may have been living theirs completely differently.

I don't think we realize how big of a deal the little things are until we completely share our lives with someone else. Here are some examples that can make adjusting a little more difficult:

-Finances. That can either be a HUGE blessing or a HUGE struggle. I am a saver and have a hard time spending a lot of money. If I married a man that didn't know how to save and bought everything and anything, I know I would have a difficult time figuring out a balance.
-Sleeping patters. I don't like sleeping in a hot room. I prefer cold. Also, every night before I go to sleep, I unmake my bed, lift up my legs to let my blanket fall over them, and get all bundled up (haha #WEIRDO). Some people love sleeping with it warm and having their blankets tucked into the bed....adjustment!
-Chores in the home. Who does what? I was raised having a mom that cooks and cleans, while my dad works hard and provides for the family. But, my dad knows know to clean and helps out, and does when needed. Does your potential spouse know how to help out? Are they willing to?
-Habits. We all have weird habits and ways that we do things. I fold my towels a certain way, load the dishwasher a certain way, and even have the same getting ready routine. I know that everyone does things differently, so it's something to expect when you get married. The thing that causes difficulties is when you give off the appearance that how your spouse does things is incorrect. Nothing is worse than going in and fixing/changing what they've done when they were just trying to help. What does that show them? I think that it gives the appearance that you are unappreciative! Let your spouses help, whether they do things the way you like it or not!
-Schedules. Everyone has different schedules and that can be a difficult adjustment. Once you're married, it's not just about you anymore.... it becomes "us." Everything deals with the two of you!! No more single life!!!
-Traditions. I don't know about you but I LOVE traditions and we have quite a few in my family. In marriage, basically two families are combining. You now are dealing with both families and their traditions. You have to figure out where you go for your holidays and who you spend time with, how to share the time, and how to keep all involved. As a new couples though, you get to create your own new family, with your own new traditions, AND IT'S YOUR VERY OWN!!
-Child birth. This one is HUGE! And has HUGE effects on marriage. It can either strengthen it or weaken it. Studies have shown that many times marriage satisfaction goes down after a child is born. This is due to so much focus on the child that the focus on each other isn't as common. Many times the husbands suffer because they may feel helpless. They may go to help but their wives have the "I've got this" attitude and put all their efforts into helping this little baby. I'm not saying that you shouldn't focus on the baby, but there's a way to be a great parent and keep both of you involved in raising the child. You BOTH created it, and you BOTH are needed in raising it successfully. I'm grateful for this class because it opened my eyes on this topic. I feel that sometimes it's so easy to forget about what is most important, something we don't always think about. BUT it can also be a huge strength to your marriage if you are willing to WORK!
-Making decisions. We all have different interests and goals, so sometimes agreeing on something can be a struggle. My parents play the 1-10 method where they rank the importance 1-10 and decide based on that. I think that's a pretty smart idea, that way you always know how your spouse is feeling about a certain idea.

OVERLOAD! Sorry for all the examples but they're SO IMPORTANT!... and there are WAY more, but those are a few big ones. Basically moral of the story: compromise, communication, sacrifice, and selflessness are KEY to a successful marriage. This post isn't made to scare anyone off, but to point out that it takes work on both of our parts. This is a two person job! Although it's a huge commitment, I look forward to the day that I am married and can figure all of this out for myself. What an adventure!

Dates to Mates

I don't know if it was just me, or if it's a girl thing, but I remember when I was younger I would get so excited about going on dates. I would watch movies and think that they were the most perfect thing ever. I even remember being in middle school and planning out the PERFECT date! Why is it that I got so excited? Maybe it was because I got the chance to spend my evening with a handsome guy, or that it was something fun that was different than my regular life, or maybe it was just the excitement of knowing someone actually wanted to spend their evening with ME! Even as I've gotten older and dating has become more of a reality rather than a dream, I still get excited! BUT, I can't say that I've always been excited AFTER the dates were over. Let's just say, I've been on many great dates, but also I've been on my fair share of bad ones too. Is that rude of me??

A couple examples of BAD dates:
-One time a guy and his friend asked my roommate and I to go rock climbing. We agreed of course. When we got there we weren't exactly sure if it was a date or not, so we weren't sure if we were paying for ourselves or not. The boys ended up paying for us and we had fun. But then after, we went to get ice cream and the boys completely switched who they paid for and who they decided to talk to so it was SUPER awkward and I was so confused the whole time!
-Another time I was asked to a school dance with a guy. Probably my fault it didn't turn out so great because I wasn't too interested in him. It was an ugly sweater dance but he didn't have a sweater, so he had me draw pictures with sharpies on a plain white t-shirt for him to wear. Then he had me go meet his mom, and we went to the dance later that night. At the dance, he ended up ditching me and hanging out with a group of girls (looking back, I probably didn't do my best either to keep him with me). It was just another award date that definitely wouldn't go on my list of favorites.
-Last example... GUYS! IF YOU'RE GOING TO ASK A GIRL ON A DATE, ACTUALLY SHOW UP!!! I've had a couple times where a guy would ask me out or make plans and just not show up. Did they forget? Did they change their minds? Were they not completely serious about it and it was just an idea? All I know is that all of these guys pretended like nothing happened after the fact of not showing up. Do you know how frustrating that is to a girl? If you don't want to go on a date with her, DON'T ASK HER! THE END.

But, I'm not here to complain and just tell you about bad dates I've been on. I've actually been on some pretty amazing one's that I have really enjoyed. Especially this summer... I went on so many fun dates!

Examples:
-I love hotdogs. Everyone who knows me knows that. There was a guy that knew of a specific hotdog place that I liked. He looked it up and for the date we made those hotdogs! Then he taught me how to drive donuts because he knew I wanted to try that really bad. It was just good because it showed that he listens.
-Another one that I loved was when I was picked up to go to lunch. He picked me up and then we drove pretty far out of town to go to a super cute small town that I have never been to before. I loved the atmosphere of the town and just the spontaneousness of getting out of my town and eating somewhere different for lunch. He knew that I love pie so we went to this cute family owned place and got some yummy lunch and delicious pie after. I don't know why it was so exciting, but it's the small things that go a long way with me.
-One of my favorites was this summer. We had been wanting to go on a picnic, so we did it! The plan was to go get some yummy pizza, but the place was closed so we got sandwiches instead (I loved it because he was able to just go with the flow). Then we went to the most beautiful spot to eat and just sat and talked. He then had a surprise for me and took me to this spot to send up floating lanterns. I was amazed because he knew it was something I had on my bucket list, so he made sure it happened. We then talked some more and just enjoyed our evening together. It was so laid back, but so much fun!!

I've realized that my idea of a DREAM date has changed. It used to be a specific thing that was planned that I thought would be so fun. Now, I feel like a dream date for me is one where I feel cared for. My favorite dates have been ones where I can tell that they guy has been listening/ paying attention to things that I say and enjoy. It doesn't even have to be big, elaborate, and expensive. Sometimes simple is just perfect, as long as there was thought behind it.

But what is it that makes a great date? What determines if it'll be in the "good date" category or the "bad date"?

The 3 P's of Dating: (This can go for guys or girls, whoever is asking on the date!)
Planned: A plan is so important. I can't tell you how lame it is when you get asked on a date and then they ask you what you want to do! Let you're date know what's going on! OR if it's a surprise, give them a heads up on what they should wear or how they can best be prepared for the date. Take the lead and be in control with what happens on your date.
Paid for: Nothing is more confusing and awkward than not knowing if your date is paying for you or not. I'm a firm believer that if you ask someone on a date, you should pay. But not even that. It doesn't even have to be a date that costs money or is expensive. If not, just make sure that the resources are in order and are prepared and ready for the date.
Paired off: Make sure your date knows that they're supposed to be with YOU. Don't let them question who their date is. Also, when you're on a date, it is your responsibility to take care of your date that night. You are responsible for their experience. No pressure right??

Why do we date? Why not just "hand out" like most people do these days? That's fun too...
Elder Dallin H. Oaks said:

"If you wish to marry well, inquire well. Associations through "hanging out" or exchanging information on the Internet are not a sufficient basis for marriage. There should be dating, followed by careful and thoughtful and thorough courtship. There should be ample opportunities to experience the prospective spouse's behavior in a variety of circumstances."

I'm not saying that if you date a guy you're going to end up marrying him. Not at all! But dating is the only way that you can truly find out if you and someone are compatible and if they're right for marriage. Just "hanging out" won't quite do it.

The divine role of a husband/father is explained in 3 P's as well:
Provide, Preside, and Protect. These go hand in hand with the 3 P's of dating! Coincidence?

Planned---> Preside
Paid for---> Provide
Paired off---> Protect

How cool is that?! More proof that dating is prep for marriage! Let us not be so caught up in all the fun that we forget about what it is that we are really looking for in a companion! Date with potential!

Cooties to Cuties

Remember when you were young and cooties actually existed?! Remember playing with your friends in Kindergarten and thinking that the boys (or girls) were so gross? I remember always running away from those stinky boys and wanting to stick with my friends. Why was it like that?? Now, boys are my favorite people to hang out with! (haha) Solution: WE WERE SO DIFFERENT and didn't appreciate those differences. The boys would always play in the mud, play sports, or see who could jump the farthest off of the swings, when us girls would play house, or make paper dolls, or just sit and talk. Why would we want to play with the boys when we could have fun doing "better things"?

As we get older, I think it becomes more and more obvious that boys and girls, males and females, are very different. Generally speaking, we have different mannerisms, interests, hobbies, feelings, taste buds, styles, bathrooms, shoe sizes, strengths, weaknesses, physical abilities, physical features, opinions, skills, hair products, family roles, hormones, brains, etc. THE LIST COULD GO ON FOREVER. FOOOORRRREEEEVVVEERRRRR!!!

So why is it that when we were younger we saw these differences as gross, but now we actually enjoy interacting with the opposite sex???
It's because we compliment each other! Think about it... When we females lack certain characteristics, (generally speaking) men can fill that gap. And vice versa. My parents are a great example of how both genders need each other to be successful. My dad is a dreamer. He is one that will come up with a wild and crazy idea, and spur of the moment decide that it's going to happen. He doesn't always think through his ideas, but knows that it sounds fun, so why not do it?? (I've got some of that in me.... Thanks dad...) My mom on the other hand is a thinker. She is the one that hears his ideas and knows all of the reasons why it may not be the best idea, or she knows exactly what must be done to make it happen. She thinks through all of the options and logistics. They complete each other. Without my mom, my dad would have all sort of spontaneous adventures planned, just to find out that it may not work out in the end. Without my dad, my mom wouldn't get to experience as many of the fun spontaneous adventures that they've had together. They need each other.

This is true in so many different ways.

David A. Bednar said:

"By divine design, men and women are intended to progress together toward perfection and a fullness of glory. Because of their distinctive temperaments and capacities, males and females each bring to a marriage relationship unique perspectives and experiences. The man and the woman contribute differently but equally to a oneness and a unity that can be achieved in no other way. The man completes and perfects the woman and the woman completes and perfects the man as they learn from and mutually strengthen and bless each other."

I love this quote! Think about it... We PERFECT each other! I can't wait until I am married and truly get to experience this for myself. I look forward to the day when I can grow in ways I didn't think possible, from my husband and his example. I look forward to being a mother, with a husband that I adore, and raising our children together with our distinct differences. I know I wouldn't be the same person if it wasn't for the different attributes that my parents contributed to our family. Both roles are so important in this life, and in the next.

Let us all be grateful for the differences we have! Let us look at them as ways to learn and grow, and become who we were each meant to be. Men and women aren't meant to be the same! We were born different to be different! Let's keep it that way! These differences are such blessings, if we will only take a minute to sit back and realize it!

For you country lovers out there! 

"A Boy and a Girl Thing"

What is Right?

In my last big post I wrote about the importance of taking time to truly understand someone and the reasons behind why they do what they do. Communication is key! This week in class we built off of that concept. We talked about culture; culture within families, culture within society, just culture. 

What exactly is culture? It refers to beliefs and values of a certain group of people. It is their behavioral patterns and tendencies. The interesting thing about culture is that it can change over time. It may change when you gets married, or when a child is born, or when a drastic event happens in your life... It's not always constant. But in the end, culture is how we live our lives based on our beliefs. 

More times than not, we as people see OUR culture as the way things should be. We even often times don't realize how different other cultures are until they clash and cause conflict with ours. This is a common issue when interacting with other people: whether it being marriage (as stated earlier), or even just getting new roommates. People were raised a certain way, and expect everyone to be on the same page as them when it comes to the way things should be done. 

Let me give you a few examples of me and my family culture:

1. While growing up, I would watch my mom talk to her mom on the phone every single day. When I was younger I thought it was crazy! I look at myself now, and I do the same thing. Faithfully, some time each day I give my mom a call, not because I feel that I have to, but because I love it and it has become "important" to me. I find myself thinking it's the weirdest thing ever when my friends only talk to their mom once a week, when to them it's probably completely normal. But not only that, I am probably looked at as a weirdo as well. 

2. In my home we eat dinner together as a family EVERY NIGHT whether everyone is there or not. Not only that, but it's at the dinner table and no technology is allowed. To me it's normal. I would often times go to my friend's homes and they would eat in front of the TV, or have to find food to feed themselves, or everyone would eat at different times. This is NOT a bad thing at all, but it's so different than what I am used to. 

3. In my family we are ALWAYS coming up with weird games to play. This is our way of being together and enjoying each other's company. I feel that you can more likely find us all doing some sort of wacky Olympics obstacle, having to guess the smell of the food put in front of us, or jumping over big obstacles of pillows and chairs than all of us just sitting and chatting with each other for hours (not that we don't ever just sit and talk). Some other families may find that talking together for hours is their way of quality time. Not weird, just different. 

4. My dad works full time and my mom is a stay at home mom. My dad is our provider and my mom works hard to raise us kids and create a home full of love and peace. To me, it's normal and what I look forward to in the future. I want to be able to be home for my kids and be able to be the one that raises them. I want to be there when they need me, like my mom was there for me. I look around me and that is very different for many people that I know. To them, they may see my family situation as different, or don't understand why, but I love it and wouldn't trade it for the world. 

So there are a few things that go on in my home. I love my family culture! But I feel that often times we develop the mindset of "there's only one proper way to do things."We need to make sure we check our assumptions and realize that just because things are different, doesn't mean they are bad! What we do is always going to be "different" to someone else. 

So when preparing for life in terms of family, it's important to take note of what values are important to you, and what values are important to your spouse, and implement those into your family. Create you OWN culture. It's ok to branch out and make your own. Think of things that you want to keep from yours, and come up with things you don't want to keep. Do the same with your spouse. Family is something created between the two of you, so make it special, and make it your own! 

I was just reading a talk by Elder D. Todd Christofferson called "The Moral Force of Women." It is an incredible talk. There was one thing that he said that I loved and it made me think of my blog.

"...there is not a higher good than motherhood and fatherhood in marriage. There is no superior career, and no amount of money, authority, or public acclaim can exceed the ultimate rewards of family." 

Are we striving each day to develop the attributes needed to become a successful parent in the Lord's eyes? Where are our priorities?

One more quote that I loved is by Elder Richard G. Scott, in his talk "Finding Happiness."

"Recognizing that you are a person who wants to live worthily and be obedient to Father in Heaven, how would Satan strive to lead you from the path to happiness? Surely he would not be successful by tempting you to commit serious transgression--at least not initially. He would more likely fill your mind and heart with visions of many, many worthwhile things--none of which could be criticized as being wrong, but taken together, they would so occupy your time that you would not do those things that are absolutely essential for eternal life with Father in Heaven and his Beloved Son."

What's THAT Supposed to Mean?

     Fun fact about me: I LOVE PEOPLE WATCHING. I love it love it love it. I love watching people interact and seeing how they handle different situations. Maybe it's because I'm a snoop, or maybe it's because I'm a Donovan (we love to know what's going on). The best place to people watch has got to be the airport. So many different people!
     It's crazy how everyone is so different. It blows me away to think about how everyone sees the world differently due to their own personal experiences and situations. Take me and my siblings for example... we were all raised the exact same way, we've all been through the exact same family trials and experiences, but we all turned out COMPLETELY different from each other. I even have a twin and we are polar opposites! Because we are so different, we see things differently. Something that may be a big deal to me could be a minor issue to my brother, or a trial that is easily fought by my sister could be a major battle for me. We all see the world differently. Period.
     Since everyone experiences life differently, we all have different reasons or motives behind our actions. You could say "symbols" of why we do things. They may be used to show appreciation, anger, gratitude, love, confusion, sorrow, etc. This describes what's called symbolic interaction which a theory used as an attempt to explain, or make sense of, why something happens. Symbols, if not well understood, can have negative effects on a relationship.

Here's an example...

On my mission I met this super cute couple. We were all talking about marriage and what can be difficult in it. They told me of a situation that the two of them had that was purely miscommunication and misunderstanding. Sarah (names have been changed) loved to cuddle. Cuddling was how she showed her love and appreciate. It probably had to do with the way she was raised. Sarah was raised in the Philippines and adored her family, they were all very close. Anyways, one night Sarah and her husband Chad went to bed. Sarah cuddled with him, as she always did, and fell asleep. Chad woke up to her snoring in his ear and asked her to sleep on her side of the bed. Little did he know Sarah was then heartbroken. She made up all sorts of scenarios in her head about him and his love for her. She took him asking her to stop cuddling as a sign of no longer loving her. She was fearful that he was seeing another woman and didn't even know what to do... she was distraught (a little dramatic of a conclusion if you ask me)! Due to the heartache, Sarah became distant with Chad and didn't talk to him much the following day. Chad didn't know what was up so he got a little upset and also didn't talk much. They ended up not talking to each other at all and didn't even know why. After the long time of awkward silences, they finally talked about it and got the issue off their chests. Sarah told Chad about how she felt and how she wasn't even sure if he loved her. Then Chad, so sad because of his wife's feelings, explained to her what happened. He went on to tell her that he loved her SO MUCH that he couldn't have her cuddling with him and snoring in his ear. He knew that if he allowed her to sleep that way, he wouldn't get a good nights rest, therefore making it difficult to work in the morning. He told her that he needed to sleep well so that he could work extra hard to be able to make a good living in order to support her and the family. THAT was the whole purpose of him asking her to move. Once the issue was talked about and resolved, everything was good between Sarah and Chad and they were happy as ever.

WHAT A CRAZY STORY HUH??? Perfect example! 

     Well believe it or not, stuff like that happens all the time. Maybe not to that extent, but it does happen.
     If these things aren't openly talked about, issues arise in no time. Open communication is everything. It is EXTREMELY important in relationships and family life. How else will we know what is going on with those we love if we can't even talk about it? I don't know about you, but I sure don't know how to read minds! We must break down the walls that all of us put up and be willing to take time to truly understand others.

There's No Place Like Home!

     For those of you that know me, you know that I ADORE my family! They are my number one! My biggest role models, my cheerleaders, and my very best friends. I have a special relationship with every member of my family that I wouldn't trade for the world! I believe that I have this viewpoint because of the way that I was raised. My parents show in their daily actions that they are firm believers that "the family is ordained of God" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World). I can't count how many wacky games we've played, how many trips we've been on, or even how many movies we've watched together as a family with the sole purpose of strengthening our relationships with each other. I will forever be grateful for the efforts of my parents.
   
     I am so excited to one day have a family of my own. I am so excited to teach them the life lessons that I have learned and to raise them to know of their individual worth and potential.

     What breaks my heart is that the world is developing a different viewpoint of the family. Many people think that it is more important to pursue their dream jobs and make tons of money than take on the sacred duty of creating a family and raising them with good morals. Now don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying that having your dream job is bad! I'm not saying that trying to make a bunch of money is bad! I think those are both great things...BUT where are our priorities?
     Research has shown that fertility rates (number of children women have in their lifetimes) has been decreasing over time. Women aren't having as many children as they used to. There are many reasons behind that. Many believe that if society keeps having children we'll run out of resources, they believe that having many children is too expensive, they wait to get married and are too old to have children, they don't want the responsibility, they are fearful of marriage and having a family (due to their own personal experiences), they decided to pursue their careers (mentioned earlier) instead of starting a family, and many more things. Who's going to take care of the large population of elderly people if more children aren't being born? Who will be there for our children's children to marry? Who's going to be coming up with new ideas and advancements in technology? These all sound pretty extreme but think about it... If birthrates and fertility rates are going down, eventually the population is going to decrease. The U.S. is basically the only country with a replacement rate right now, but that is BECAUSE of immigrants. Eventually there won't even be enough immigrants to keep our population growing.

     Now I'm not sitting here saying that you need to go and have 20 kids. But I am saying that we all need to check our priorities and see where the family is on that list. "The family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World).
Spencer W. Kimball said:

"You did not come on earth just to “eat, drink and be merry.” You came knowing full well your responsibilities. You came to get for yourself a mortal body that could become perfected, immortalized, and you understood that you were to act in partnership with God in providing bodies for other spirits equally anxious to come to the earth for righteous purposes. And so you will not postpone parenthood. There will be rationalists who will name to you numerous reasons for postponement. Of course, it will be harder to get your college degrees or your financial start with a family, but strength like yours will be undaunted in the face of difficult obstacles." 

     We were all so blessed to come to earth and receive bodies. But think about it, there are SO MANY people up in heaven just waiting to have the same opportunities. We have the blessing of providing that to them. We must not wait to do that. So many lives will be blessed because of our choices. I have one more quote that totally has opened up my eyes (it's pretty intense):

“There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty?—To prepare tabernacles for them; to take a course that will not tend to drive those spirits into the families of the wicked, where they will be trained in wickedness, debauchery, and every species of crime. It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles 

for all the spirits they can.” -President Brigham Young

     Ok. This quote was a slap in the face and totally woke me up. My whole life I told myself, and everyone that asked, that I only wanted 3 or 4 kids. Why was this? Because it was convenient for me. My thoughts were that more kids would just make life more expensive, it would be more exhausting and more work, and just more people in general to take care of. Ok, HOW SELFISH IS THAT? Did you just realize that that whole statement was about ME? Well guess what, there's no "me" in family. Family is about love. Family is about sacrifice. Family is about forgetting yourself and giving your all for those you love. I'm not saying that I want a whole army of children now, but I am saying that having children is a great opportunity that God has blessed us with. These children are really His and each and every one of them deserves a body as much as we do. We can be used as an instrument in His hands and provide that for them. My mind has been changed that the amount of children I want isn't going to be JUST what I want. It'll be what the Lord wants and feels that I can handle, with my husband. Now back to the intense quote. This is something that inspired me as well. The children that I decide not to have are going to go to someone else. What if the circumstances won't be the same? What if they won't be taught the same morals and principles I plan on teaching? Our families aren't the only ones that will be affected by the choices we make. The Lord knows what's best for His children, and He will let us know what to do if we learn to rely on Him. 

     There's nothing like the joy that comes from family! I want that so badly for myself, but also for everyone else to experience. May we realign our priorities and focus on what really matters most! 

Home Sweet Home

Welcome to my blog!

I am so excited to be starting a blog! First things first, let me introduce myself. I'm McCall. I LOVE TO HAVE FUN! Here are 10 fun facts about me to help you better understand who I am:

1. I love everything country! Music, location, style, lifestyle, EVERYTHING.

2. I love hot dogs! Basically my favorite food.

3. I am terrified of mice. I swear it's genetic... Thanks mom!

4. I'm an adrenaline junkie. I went skydiving for my 18th birthday!

5. Nothing close to a morning person. 

6. I served a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for a year and a half of my life. I spent my time in Southern Utah and will never forget it. It was the greatest experience of my life and I miss it so much.

7. Laughing is my favorite thing to do. Most times I crack myself up, so who can complain?

8. Fall is the GREATEST time of year. Not worth your time to argue about it. (Except for Christmas time of course!)

9. I HATE eggs. That's the one food I don't like. I try so hard to like them and wish that I did, but I can't

10. I'm a firm believer that everyone has a story. You never truly know someone until you know their story and the battles they are fighting, or have fought. No matter who we are, we've all been through something hard. We must take time to remember that and accept people for who they are. 

A little bit more:

I am currently attending BYU-Idaho and my major is Marriage and Family Studies. This is my fourth semester. I am finally finishing my foundations classes and am getting into learning about the things that I love and am passionate about. I have an incredible family: two rock star parents, a twin brother, and a younger brother and sister (my mini me). To me, family is everything and I couldn't imagine my life without them and their fun flavors. For school I have been asked to start up a blog for my Family Relations class. It'll be about the discussions in class, things that I've learned, my insights, inspirational thoughts and even fun stories that come to mind... all focused on the family! I look forward to having this blog as a place for me to gather my thoughts, but hopefully it can be used to help others as well. ENJOY! 

Here is a picture of the cute Donovan family!